I wasn't aware of the "dick attack" book until today. And, as soon as I learn of its existence, I am told it isn't really as good – or as bad – as a supposed excerpt posted on Tumblr indicated.
The book in question is Sandra Hill's Rough and Ready, a "viking time travel" romance published in 2006. An excerpt swept the Internets last year, spreading virally on the strength of its uniquely purple prose: "He opened the door a crack...and almost had a heart attack...or a dick attack."
A page-long excerpt posted to Tumblr last week made the Internet rounds again. A short excerpt:
As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.
“Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”
Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.
“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.”
While undeniably hilarious, the longer excerpt is not, in fact, from Rough and Ready. (Though the "dick attack" line is.) Sandra Hill did not have kind words for Internet hooligans reposting the faux excerpt. In a comment left on WickedLilPixie.com, Hill wrote:
I’m not sure who you people are, but before you mock something, make sure you know what you’re talking about. That “exceprt” [SIC] that was presumably taken from my book is in fact NOT an excerpt. Check page 222 of ROUGH AND READY and you will see that someone is having fun with you, putting in their own purple prose. I don’t mind constructive criticism, but this borders on libel. If you really care about accuracy, email me, and I” send you a copy of the correct paragraphs.
(via Wicked Lil Pixie)